Tips on how to talk to your child about drinking

Talking to children about drinking or any other serious issue can be tricky. Starting to drink early in life increases the risk of addiction later down the line, meaning that many parents will be keen to warn their children about the negative impacts of alcohol. However, it can be difficult to know how to approach the topic without inadvertently making alcohol seem taboo, rebellious and appealing. Many parents worry about being too strict, tempting curiosity or rebellion, or too permissive. It’s difficult to get the balance right – but open and honest communication is usually the most effective way to approach this difficult topic..

We’re going to explore effective, age-appropriate tactics for discussing alcohol with your children, how to model good behaviour and how to empower your child to make the correct decision.

Modelling healthy behaviours

‘Do as I say, not as I do’ is rarely a good tactic. Children absorb a multitude of messages about drinking from their peers, the wider culture and the adults in their lives. This is one of the reasons why there are strict rules around alcohol advertising, especially advertising to those under 18.

Children internalise cultural norms around alcohol, particularly how it’s treated in the home. This doesn’t mean you have to avoid alcohol altogether, but it does mean drinking responsibly.

Unfortunately, we all have different ideas about what drinking responsibly entails. This can raise difficult questions for many of us about what exactly responsible drinking is, and whether we’re doing it. Many parents focus on not getting too drunk, being embarrassing and avoiding dangerous situations when asked about sensible drinking – they don’t talk about moderation or prioritising their health. Modelling healthy behaviour means drinking safely, moderately and not too frequently – not just avoiding risky situations.

Age-appropriate conversations

Frank, open and honest conversations about drinking will give your child the information they need about alcohol for when they inevitably encounter it. This will also position you as a trusted source of information on the topic. These conversations should be understandable and appropriate for your child’s age.

For young children, focusing on developing healthy habits in general is important. Talk to your children about good health, looking after their bodies and eating good food. Vitamins and medications can be a good way to introduce the topic of what to put into their bodies. You can explain that vitamins help their bodies grow and be healthy and that other things could hurt them or make them sick. This is also a good time to teach them to say no if offered something they’re unsure about or think could be dangerous. This will help them foster good judgement and boundaries from an early age.

Older children will be curious and pick up on things going on in their environment. This is a good time to let them know how alcohol affects the body in simple terms and that it’s a drink for adults that can have negative effects if not used responsibly. Lecturing your child is unlikely to help – brief, honest conversations are more effective.

By adolescence, your children are more likely to be exposed to alcohol in social situations and be developmentally advanced enough for more complex conversations around the impact of alcohol on decision-making and well-being. You can ask your child what they’d do if they were offered alcohol and make them aware of the link between alcohol, loss of control and dangerous situations. You can also tell them about the risks of spiked drinks and how to stay safe.

Remaining calm and sticking to the facts is important for maintaining trust and keeping communication open. You want your child to be able to approach you if they’re worried or in trouble. Using extreme examples or scaremongering is unlikely to work if they’ve seen people having fun while drinking. Honesty is the best policy – yes, many people enjoy themselves, but there are risks and negative health effects to be weighed up, too.

Parenting your child to make the right decision

Rather than simply telling your child to ‘just say no’, instilling your child with confidence, a strong sense of self and good boundaries from an early age will give them the ability to make the right call. If your child lacks confidence, they are more likely to give in to social pressure to drink, even if they don’t want to. Model confidence in yourself, don’t make a big deal about mistakes and allow your children to fail without jumping in to fix it immediately while showing them unconditional love and support. They will learn their own minds and develop the resourcefulness to make decisions for themselves.

Be open and non-judgemental

You will want your children to come to you for advice and look to you for support in difficult situations – but if your conversations have been harsh, judgemental or focused solely on negative outcomes they will not see you as a safe person for support. Your children are much more likely to approach you with questions if you’re knowledgeable, truthful and non-judgemental. You can set the right tone by asking open-ended questions about what they know about alcohol and answering their questions honestly without scaremongering.

Should I let my child drink alcohol with the family to ‘introduce it safely?’

Britain undoubtedly has a binge drinking problem, and many people look to European countries such as France and Italy, where children drink small amounts of alcohol at a young age, as inspiration for introducing alcohol safely. In these countries, children sometimes consume very watered-down wine with their families at mealtimes. Here in the UK, it’s perfectly legal for children aged 5 and older to consume an alcoholic drink at home or in a private house. Many people believe this helps to demystify alcohol, making it less of a taboo, and encourages a healthier relationship with it in later life. So is this a good idea?

While you won’t be prosecuted for allowing your child to drink at home, there are several reasons why this isn’t the best tactic. One reason is cultural norms – Britain is not Italy. Drinking culture is very different here – drunkenness is much more normalised, while in some European countries, alcohol is consumed primarily at mealtimes, and drunkenness is much more frowned upon. There’s a genuine risk that by serving watered-down alcohol with meals, you are introducing your child to British drinking culture, which is much more focused on intoxication, rather than continental drinking culture, which is focused on the experience of taste and tied closely to eating. Research also shows that in the UK, giving alcohol to children is usually the parent’s idea, not the child’s, meaning they may never have tried alcohol in the first place without parental intervention. Ultimately, there is no research to suggest that giving children alcohol earlier helps them develop a better relationship with it – and in the context of Britain’s relationship with alcohol, this actually could be an induction into a drinking culture that the child may have rejected otherwise.

Left to their own devices, many young people are choosing to drink moderately or not at all, citing affordability, alcohol-related harms, and the decline of spaces centred around drinking. Studies show that alcohol consumption is in marked decline amongst young people, especially compared to their millennial and Gen X parents. So, while there are ways to help your child develop a healthier relationship with alcohol, introducing it early isn’t one of them.

If you’re worried about your child’s relationship with alcohol, reach out to us today – we can help.