Discovering your child has an addiction is a shattering experience. Addiction is difficult no matter what age the addicted person is, but childhood addiction comes with some unique risks. Your child’s brain has not yet finished developing, and the effects that addiction has on their brain could be serious.
This guide is for parents who are looking for advice on the unique challenges of supporting their children through addiction recovery.
Signs of addiction in children
It can be difficult to spot the signs of addiction in your child because many of them overlap with mental or physical health problems.
Accusing your child of having an addiction when they don’t can damage the relationship between you and your child, so it’s important to be cautious, communicate with empathy, and reach out for support if you have your suspicions. These signs don’t just apply to drug addiction or alcohol addiction – it could be a behavioural addiction, such as gaming addiction, gambling addiction or, porn addiction.
- Shifts in mood and personality, such as becoming withdrawn, unmotivated, hostile, secretive, unfocused, uninhibited or unusually elated.
- Behavioural changes, such as altered relationships, absenteeism, avoiding eye contact, locking doors, going out very frequently, secrecy, and problems with money.
- Changes in appearance, such as unusual smells like smoke on hands and clothes, messy appearance, a lapse in hygiene, burns or soot on clothes or skin, and track marks.
- Changes to physical health, such as frequent sickness and tiredness, slurring or rapid speech, nosebleeds, runny nose and sores around the mouth, sudden weight loss or gain, perspiration and vomiting/seizures.
If you encounter concrete evidence that your child has an addiction, such as finding drugs or paraphernalia in their room, it’s important to plan your actions carefully, consider how you will address their addiction, and enlist support if you can.
The emotional toll
Whether your child is under 18 or an adult, the difficulties of seeing your child with an addiction don’t change. The guilt, stress and anxiety of finding out your child has an addiction is painful. You may feel ashamed, making it hard to share what’s happening with other people. The worry and frustration can make you feel alone.
To fully support your child, you need help as much as them. Confiding with others may be difficult, but you need to reach out.
Talking to your GP is a good first step if you’re concerned that your child has an addiction – they can refer them for counselling, to local support and treatment centres, and talk to you about how your child is coping. They can also provide signpost services that can support your mental health. There are services for addiction, drug intervention or alcohol help for under 18s that your GP will know about.
You may want to confide in trusted friends or family, seek out a therapist, or find a support group. Help is available for families of addicted people, such as DrugFam or Families Anonymous. They offer local support groups, helplines, and online forums where you can maintain your anonymity and receive advice, guidance, and support from other people in similar situations.
Communicate honestly
It can be hard to know how to address suspected addiction in your child. It’s important to initiate open and honest conversations and show empathy and understanding so your child feels able to be open with you. Briefly raising the subject indirectly by referring to media events about drug addiction, TV storylines about the symptoms of alcohol abuse, or school projects can be an opener to conversations about addiction.
Keeping calm is critical. While you may feel frustrated and angry, shouting is very likely to make them shut down and not open up to you. By keeping the conversation calmer, you can encourage more openness from your child. If the addiction is to substances, you will want to know what they’re taking, why, how often and where they’re getting the money from. They may not offer this information easily, and getting outside support can help here.
Making your child aware of the dangers and consequences of addiction is important. You must educate yourself as much as you can on this topic. Familiarising yourself with the risks from resources such as Talk to Frank can help you gain an honest assessment of the risks and ensure your child knows them.
Secrecy and boundaries
Addiction is often marked by secrecy, and people struggling with addiction can go to great lengths to hide it. This is difficult to navigate – you want to ensure your child is as open as possible with you while maintaining healthy boundaries and being supportive without enabling addictive behaviours.
It’s important to be as honest as possible in your communication, encourage treatment-seeking behaviour, and make clear what behaviours are and aren’t acceptable within your home.
Unhealthy relationship dynamics can exacerbate and co-create addiction – sometimes, things done out of love can have a role in enabling someone’s addictive behaviours. Often the enabling person doesn’t realise they’re doing it – they believe they’re helping their loved one meet their basic needs.
Non-enabling, loving behaviours include withholding judgement, talking openly and kindly to your child and helping them to get the support they need, such as drug rehab or alcohol rehab. Enabling behaviours, like making excuses when they miss school, are not helpful. Your child needs you to hold to your boundaries, be honest and fair with them, and for you to help them, not enable them.
Be involved
You need to do all you can to be involved and support your child’s journey to recovery.
Family therapy is especially important when the person struggling with addiction is a child. If your child requires inpatient treatment, you should attend family therapy with them as part of the recovery process. If your child isn’t undergoing inpatient treatment, you should still support them as much as possible by ensuring they go to their therapy and GP appointments, and maintain their usual responsibilities such as attending school.
Treatment options
Your GP will play an important role in helping you navigate different treatment options. Each area of the UK has its own addiction and treatment services, so your GP will be able to help you navigate this and refer your child for further help.
Online resources can help you research additional support for both you and your child. Treatment options are likely to include:
- Support groups for both you and your child. Your child may be nervous about speaking to a GP about their addiction and may need to be reassured that they won’t be judged. Speaking to a GP is often the first step in getting help for your child.
- Therapy and counselling. Many therapists are specially trained in treating addiction, so seek out a therapist with this speciality.
- Rehabilitation programmes. Peer pressure plays a unique role in drug use for under 18s, and removing them from their usual environment, away from the environments they usually take drugs in, will help them get on the path to recovery. Look for addiction treatment centres that have services for people under 18.
Final thoughts
Supporting a child who has an addiction is a complex and often overwhelming journey, but it’s one filled with possibility. By educating ourselves, offering unwavering love and understanding, seeking professional guidance, and fostering open communication, we can provide the vital support our children need to navigate the challenges of addiction and embark on a path towards healing and recovery.