Your spouse or partner has no doubt put up with quite a lot during your addiction, and since you have been in recovery it is likely that both of you have been focused solely on your sobriety. This means that your relationship has probably suffered, and you may now feel concerned about how to get it back on track.
If you have been in recovery for a while, you may now be trying to focus on your relationship but could be worried about how to move forward. This is a common occurrence among addicts. Obviously the relationship you had while you were addicted is not going to work now, nor would you want it to, so it is time to learn how to live with each other again.
You have both moved on and are different people now, so you need to see if your relationship can be rescued. It is a good idea to evaluate various aspects of your relationship to see what works and what doesnt, and if any changes can be made.
Intimacy
Intimacy is an important part of your relationship, but it may have suffered in recent times. Intimacy is based on trust, and that is something that tends to be lacking in any relationship with an addict. Sex can suffer for many reasons but if you think this is an area that you can improve and work on, then all may not be lost.
If you can both get past the bad memories of sex under the influence as well as other emotions such as guilt and begin to open up to each other again, then you can start to enjoy being intimate with each other again.
Consequences of Addiction
Your addiction may have led to a number of consequences, such as chronic illness or even debt. These are issues that will affect your relationship, but they do not have to be the end of it. If you truly love each other, you can work through each of these consequences and rebuild your life together.
If you are living with debt because of your addiction, it will probably take time to get your finances back on track. To avoid the stress of constant calls from debt collectors, you may need to seek advice from a debt management company. Your spouse or partner may be feeling resentful towards you if the debt is a direct result of your addiction. It is important that you let him or her air this resentment and deal with it accordingly. Letting this resentment fester will just destroy what you have left together.
Professional Help
Therapy is an excellent way to help you get your relationship back on track. You both need to learn how to live with one another after all you have been through. This might be difficult to do alone but, with the help of a professional counsellor, you may begin to realise what you have and what is worth saving. It is important to enter this therapy with full commitment. If you do this, you are more likely to have a happy, positive outcome.
Remember that sometimes relationships simply cannot be saved. You may have both changed so much that your relationship no longer works. However, once you have given it your best effort, you can look back and say that you tried everything you could to make it work. Hopefully, you will then remain friends.
